• A Redditor recently shared a story about being called a “bad person” for refusing to swap seats on a flight. 
• A parent wanted to sit next to their young adult children and asked an aisle-seat passenger to go to the middle seat in the back of the plane.
• T+L spoke to three experts on their professional take. Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

There are two types of travelers: those who meticulously choose and book the seat they want on a plane and those who wait until boarding to see what’s left. It’s OK to be in either one, but for the second group, is it OK to ask others to swap seats with you when you board? 

In March, a Reddit user took to the United Airlines subreddit to ask if they were wrong for refusing to switch seats with a passenger asking to sit with her children. 

“Last year, I was on a late flight cross-country to [Newark. When I checked in, I chose a seat right behind the exit row in the aisle. I was excited because I previously had a middle seat in the back, and I knew I’d be tired and just wanted to go home and kiss my son goodnight,” the user posted. They added after they sat down a woman told them they were “sitting next to her two children” and asked them to swap.

According to the person posting on Reddit, the “children” appeared to be more like young adults, “maybe in college,” and that the woman asking to swap only had a middle seat in the back row. 

“I didn’t say no, but I started saying that I would prefer to stay in an aisle seat closer to the front since I get claustrophobic, but she cut me off and said I was a bad person because I was forcing her to be away from her children and she walked away,” the Reddit user noted. “When the plane landed, she came back to our row and said she knew I had a great flight because I was sitting next to her two amazing children (frankly, they were obnoxiously loud and did not wear deodorant).” 

Once off the plane, the mother approached the passenger again and “yelled tons of profanities at me, and I thought she was going to hurt me. Looking back, I wish I got someone else involved because this was harassment.”

The traveler added that they often think about the flight and if they were in the wrong. So, were they? 

What does a legal expert say?

According to Danny Karon, a consumer advocacy attorney and law professor, at least legally, the traveler was in the right to refuse. 

“Your airline ticket is a contract, and it entitles you to sit in the seat you purchased and is assigned to you. Full stop,” Karon explained to Travel + Leisure. “So in no way are you a ‘bad person’ for using a product you purchased.” 

Karon added it’s always OK to say no to swapping, though the “tactful way to respond to the request is with a simple, ‘No thank you.'” But added, “If you’re feeling generous, and the seat is basically the same—swapping a window seat for another nearby window seat, or even a win-win—you both get a seat more aligned with your desires—it’s certainly as OK to say yes to a swap as it is to say no.” 

What do etiquette experts say?

As for the person asking to swap seats, Jenny Dreizen, an etiquette expert and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry, told T+L it’s always OK to ask, but makes one major caveat: “You have to be prepared for the answer to be no. Asking someone to switch seats is exactly that: a favor, not a demand. It should be approached with the understanding that the person has every right to decline, especially if they paid extra for their seat or selected it for a specific reason. You are asking for a favor, and favors are never guaranteed.” 

Furthermore, Richie Frieman, aka the Modern Manners Guy for QuickAndDirtyTips.com, told T+L that if you are going to ask to swap, it’s important to consider who you’re asking.

“Personally, and not just as a manners expert, I would always agree to switch seats if it’s reasonable and I’m flying alone,” he shared. “The one thing that would challenge my switching issue is if the seat I’ll be moving to will be so uncomfortable that I’ll be in serious pain by sitting there. For example, I’m short, but I have very tall friends (north of 6’6″) who physically can’t sit in certain seats because they have to contort their bodies like acrobats in a circus to fit in certain seats. In that case, that’s a legitimate health concern.” 

So, while it can make sense to swap if you’re alone, it’s a similar or better seat, and it won’t affect your health, you can still say no just because you don’t want to move. And if things escalate, all our pros suggested calling for assistance from the crew. 

“Flight attendants are as impatient with seat squatters as the rest of us, but because it’s something they deal with on a regular basis, they have an advanced set of skills for handling the situation,” Karon noted, up to and including, “in the most extreme situations, having someone moved or taken off the flight.”

How Other Travelers Reacted to the Situation

One Reddit user said, “If the [woman] cared this much, she should have paid extra to have them sit together or booked the flight earlier.” Another suggested the parent could have asked the passengers in the last row to switch with her children.

A different user said they would get the flight attendant involved, saying the crew is “generally not opposed to getting involved” and you don’t “run the risk of being seen as the aggressor/problem when you respond.”

What would you do: swap or stay? Share in the comments below.